omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are two peas in an std pod
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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