This girl is more easily done than said...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
