I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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