I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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