Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
