my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
