Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
