I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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