3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
