Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
