Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
