I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
