OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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