and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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