I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
