in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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