Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
