alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
