The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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