Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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