She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
