so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
