it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
