Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
