Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
