I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
