You work out of a Hotel?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
