I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You need Xanax blowdarts
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
