I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
