i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
