planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
