she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You need Xanax blowdarts
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
