My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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