I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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