i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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