I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
