My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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