sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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