there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
