I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
