Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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