Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
