My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
