capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
