I got her a Nickelback box set.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
did i walk over a car last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
