3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
