somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
