dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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