this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
