she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
