Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
