I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
