my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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