I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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